Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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