I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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