The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
