The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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