you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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