I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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