haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
