last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
