Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
