I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
