I cockslap morals
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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