It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
