mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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