My hand turned me down
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
