i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
