You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
