well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
