If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
