He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
