This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
