I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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