Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
