plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
