he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
