Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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