sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
