I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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