I'm going to jail i love you
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
