Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I touched a dick in church today
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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