So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
