I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
