Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
