I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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