No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
