Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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