I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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