dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
