My friends, they love my intelligence
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
