Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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