Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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