it hurts more in the daytime
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
