What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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