I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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