So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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