You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
