Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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