wakey wakey hands off snakey
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
