Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
