She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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