made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
