just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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