just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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