Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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