Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just had sex on a roof
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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