I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
