I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
