The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
