Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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