wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
