It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
