dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
