We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
