We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
