that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize