I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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