Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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