Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
