Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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