It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
